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After long being annoyed at being regarded as a "human resource" by our former personnel office, I now find that our university library has a director of customer services and that, at last, I have become a "customer".

Rather than fight this culture of bogus, grandiose terminology, I thought I would join in. Now, when I am doing research, I ask to be referred to as a "Phenomenon Interface Executive" (a Pie), while when teaching I become an "Information Transfer Operative (Intro). I now refer to my students as "shareholders in teaching" (Shits). I am certain that this will improve the "service " I give.

Milton Wainwright
Sheffield University