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A litany in honour of the research assessment exercise (prompted by the report of the House of Commons science and technology committee)

GLORY BE to the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to those whose morale was shattered by the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to those whose careers were ruined by the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to those new university departments that were stifled by the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to those whose blue-skies research was discouraged by the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to Hefce for failing to anticipate the side-effects of the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to those women who were disproportionately excluded from the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to those who were moved to teaching-only duties as a result of the RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to the ?37 million spent on the 1996 RAE!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

GLORY BE to all those who improved their ratings but received no financial reward!

And to those who now live comfortably in a 5* department.

FOR EVER AND EVER!

Amen.